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its been 10 days. 10 loooong days. 10 looooooooong days of academic slavery and on-off dreams. funny how a person's perspective changes in just a matter of a week and three days. im still having those dreams, mind you. more dreams, in fact. i cant seem to get it out of my subconscious. hrrrrrrrr.
many things need to be looked into.
many problems need to be answered.
many issues need to be addressed.
many responsibilities need to be taken personally.
my soulmate told me recently that despite everyting that has happened, we're still not free. we still hold on to that tiny shred of we dont even know what; all we have is this knowledge that a part of our lives has and will always belong to that someone whom we intended to give it to. unfortunate fools. as an eheads song goes, "kung kelan ka naging seryoso / saka ka niya gagaguhin." why would anyone want to forever hold on to the past, right? it will just begin a slow-but-sure path to self-destruction if not handled correctly -- which happens more often than not. but then the past holds many secrets. i cant really blame people who'd want to go back in time...especially when it WAS a spectacular experience. yet, when living in the NOW and moving on into the future is greatly hampered by going too deep into the past, the problems begin.
and it wont help to have people around us who will just push us deeper. them, who will even gather more shovels to help us create a pit to wallow ourselves into.
come to think of it, it is them who gives us the words that we WANT to hear. we receive the sympathy we want. it is them who keeps us in our chosen position. despite the fact that we know what we NEED to hear, and we know who to hear it from, we choose not to listen. not because we cant, but because we'd RATHER NOT. we'd rather be alone with ourselves and be lost in the whirlwind of emotions and memories that will remain just that --- memories.
hard as it seem, it is what it is.
time will come and we JUST have to get out. we'd have to strip ourselves of the murk and mud that has enveloped us for too long. we have to stop the tears, the urges to give in to overpowering emotions...we'd have to refrain from assuming that things will come into our favor. as for me, i might even have to stop myself from dreaming those dreams, no matter how good they are. 'cause in reality, even good things need to end. even the BEST things need to have a finish line.
hey soulmate, maybe its not hopeless after all. :) :) im keeping the faith. :)
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